It’s a never-ending quest to find yourself, to recognize what resonates with you, what makes you YOU. Yet we all happily get on that unending journey – because somewhere deep inside, we want to believe in the lesser accepted thoughts or beliefs; we want to imagine a far out place – a place where your name won’t get called out for unnecessary deals, or where people won’t expect you to be around and ‘available’ for them no matter what time of the day/night it is. I’ve been on a journey for quite a long time now (as they say) to figure things out for myself.
Those who are wondering how this whole ‘figuring yourself’ stuff works – you all must be aware that it’s a slow process, and almost always comes without a prior warning that screams somewhat in the line of - “I’ve arrived!” In short, you’ll not know even after you’ve arrived – it will take you a while to let it simmer and eventually let it sync with your other senses. The so-called ‘process’, in my case, took off back in March 2021 during my Spiti road trip. It was much after my return from the trip, almost a month later, did it finally hit me – and I knew at that moment that something had changed. Every little thing that I had experienced during my trip started making sense to me – people and their words started making rounds in my head too! It was overwhelming to say the least. I was gasping for breath. I wanted a way out. I wanted to find someone and share my anxiety and my endless struggle to sleep well at night.
While I was at it – it started getting a whole lot comfortable to deal with – I was finding pleasure in the journey of finding myself. I knew nothing about it, I didn’t know what to look ahead at, I didn’t know where to look for help – but I believed in the process and told myself – “You’ll figure it all out just how you’ve figured other things for yourself.” That thought was comforting but I got nothing out of it in the end. I’d wake up and find myself standing lost at one corner of the room – seeking answers and extending my arm for help. I’d not eat too well, and get anxious over trivial events. I knew I wasn’t doing too well with this change; my mind was still looking for answers and trying to match up this new me with the older version.
I went on and started training my mind, constantly making conversations with it, trying to convince that there are things that are easy and achievable, and then there are things that aren’t as easy and far less achievable. But the pleasure lies in the latter – in figuring out the lesser explored paths and dealing with things that won’t always give you financial power but will give you the sheer joy for being able to be on the less traveled roads. I clearly wanted to find myself on the lesser traveled roads – even if those memories came with limited financial ‘happiness’. Once I had put my heart into this thought, there was no looking back. My recently concluded trip to Ladakh happened at a time when I wasn’t too sure about my next move, or how far I wanted to see myself in this ‘exploring’ journey.
I came across a bunch of stories on my instagram feed covering some of the recent trips people successfully completed through WanderOn. While I was fully unaware of this establishment or what their USP was – I wanted to take a closer look at all their travel itineraries and make an informed decision, and find my next travel destination. Ladakh was almost the instant choice. Among all the options they had put up on their platform – I opted for their five-day Leh-Leh travel plan – the one that covered Leh, Khardungla Pass, Nubra Valley, Pangong Lake, among others. I had always gravitated towards the idea of traveling in the mountains over beaches – so making this choice wasn’t all that difficult. I was just inclined towards finding real life stories from past travelers (preferably solo ones) – and I eventually did!
In all these years, I’ve collected travel memories and how! But there’s something so achingly special about the mountains that no matter how much of an effort I make to establish my connection with it, I will fail miserably. Mountains calm my nerves; they make me fall in love with the smaller joys that life has to offer; they make all my heart-aches disappear. I wonder what’s so special about these places – I’ve fondly started calling home! When I took off for Leh, I was anxious like any first-time visitor. I found my quiet spot, like always, at the airport and watched those queued aircraft taking off one after the other. I knew, with each passing minute, my turn to board the flight was getting closer, and I couldn’t contain that joy. I rushed to the gate, almost as if I was trying to fast-forward the waiting game (in my mind) and get to my window seat already! But time moved slower than before; and my anxiety level was touching the roof (well, almost). Messages kept pouring in from friends and family wishing me a safe flight ahead but I barely paid much heed. I couldn’t do much to control my fleeting thoughts and overwhelmed mind – I needed to get on that aircraft.
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